Rob Perez

by Rob Perez The phrase “back to school” means different things to different people. To some, Back To School is a 1986 comedy starring Rodney Dangerfield where he goes well, back to school.

In hip hop culture, a grill is dental jewelry for inside your mouth so your teeth can sparkle with gold or diamonds. In a car, a grille covers an opening in the body of a vehicle to allow air flow. If someone is up in your grill, they’re confrontational. If you’re getting grilled, someone’s asking you a lot of intense questions.

It’s hot out there. Real hot. How hot? Well, it’s since the 1980s, each decade has been warmer than the previous one. And, since there’s not a big, concerted push to do much about it, you should expect the trend to continue. It’s going to be hot. Smoking hot. Like the end of “Raiders of the Lost Arc” where the guy’s face melts off hot. Like Icarus hot.

This time of year, the days are long, and the weather is hot. Ahh, summer.

In a field of milkweed, Rob Perez sits with Mary the Monarch Butterfly. Rob Perez: Mary, thank you for taking the time.

In the cooler months, Uncle Tony is a staple around the house. Uncle Tony’s usually up at dawn, sipping coffee, enjoying the sunrise, reading the paper. Then you might not see Uncle Tony until the evening. More often than not, Uncle Tony skips happy hour and dinner altogether, emerging to read to the kids, helping with bath time. On the weekend Uncle Tony might cozy up for a movie. But Uncle Tony is not a fan of the warmer weather. One of the first unofficial signs of summer are when it heats up outside and Uncle Tony goes to the basement until fall.

Through no fault of my own, it has come to my attention that May is Older American Month. This gave me pause. Let me see if I have this straight. May is a month. I get that. For Older Americans. Um, what the what?!

A Day for Mother Mother’s Day is the one day a year when Mother gets to put her feet up and is waited on hand and foot by her minion. Father brings her an iced coffee, just the way she likes it.

Early one morning, Rob and the Easter Bunny met in a sunny, dew-pearled meadow. The rabbit had a basket of Easter eggs at his side.

Frazzled, ROB rushes into the coffee shop, immediately recognizes FATHER TIME on the opposite side of the café, sitting in a booth. Rob crosses to him quickly and sits.